When Compassion Triggers Cruelty

 Tina Winterlik: When Compassion Triggers Cruelty

(October 2025)

Yesterday, I shared a post that said, “Being homeless is a full-time job.”
It struck a chord with me — because it’s true. When someone has no home, every single thing becomes harder. Finding food, staying warm, looking for work, protecting belongings, staying safe — it’s exhausting. Survival itself becomes a full-time job.

I didn’t expect that post to stir up what it did.

A woman I knew — not very well — texted me shortly after I shared it. Then she called. She said she wanted to know if I wanted to work at a market selling nuts. I thought it was a little strange since it wasn’t even her business — she said she was calling for her boss. Something about it just felt off.

At first, I tried to be polite. But the conversation quickly took a turn I didn’t see coming. Out of nowhere, she started saying awful things about trans people — hateful, cruel, and full of judgment. She called them vicious and obsessed with sexuality. I was stunned.

It broke my heart because I’d just been talking about compassion — about understanding what people go through — and here she was, tearing down others for being themselves. I froze. I had shared personal things earlier in the conversation, and suddenly I wished I hadn’t.

The whole thing left me shaken.

This woman is 67. She told me she retired in 2019, but she’s still working. So she likely gets a full pension and still earns income — yet instead of using that privilege to lift others up, she used her time to judge and belittle. And I can’t help but wonder: why?

Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s bitterness. Maybe some people, even after a lifetime of working, can’t find peace inside themselves — so they try to control or diminish others.

It reminded me of another moment years ago. A woman I knew a long time as acquaintance, always wearing her usual purple outfits, bright and eccentric. One day, before Trump was elected, she said, “He’s not a racist.” I remember my stomach twisting even then. I pulled away and never spoke to her after that. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised this time either.

Still, I was. Because I always want to believe people can grow.

But what I learned — again — is that you can’t predict who will turn hateful when the topic shifts to something real. Some people hide their prejudice behind politeness or humor until they feel safe enough to let it spill out.

Yesterday reminded me of why empathy matters so much — and how fragile it can feel when met with cruelty. But I refuse to let that kind of energy change who I am. I’ll keep standing beside love, acceptance, and truth.

I share stories about poverty, homelessness, injustice, and human rights because I believe in connection, not division. We can’t solve anything if we’re busy attacking each other’s existence.

So to anyone reading this who has ever been dismissed, judged, or hurt just for being who you are — please know: there are still people out here who care deeply. People who see your struggle. People who want a better, kinder world.

Because the real full-time job isn’t being homeless —
It’s surviving a world that has forgotten how to care.

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💬 Reflection Question:
When was the last time someone’s cruelty caught you off guard — and how did you keep your heart open instead of closing it?

💭 Quote to Remember:

“Stop working your shit out on other people.”
— Brené Brown

— Tina Winterlik 🌍💜