Episode 1: “The Layoff Lottery” 🎰

 

Episode 1: “The Layoff Lottery” 🎰

Welcome to Vancouver Hall of Absurdities, where “fiscal responsibility” means firing 400 ordinary workers 💼 while City Hall’s golden chairs remain warm for the top earners 💰.

Mayor Ken Sim proudly announces, with a straight face:

“It’s not going to be easy, but we’re going to do the hard work to provide a safe city with the core services Vancouverites deserve.”

Safe… if your idea of safety is:

• Task Force Barrage, sweeping the DTES and arresting 1,100 people in six months 👮‍♂️
• Emptying SROs, leaving residents out in the cold 🏚️
• Fires raging in low-income housing 🔥
• Shelters overflowing, with literally no room for people to sleep 😢

Meanwhile, the Parks Board quietly limps toward extinction 🌳💔. Who needs green space when property taxes fund six-figure salaries, personal security details, and Task Force Barrage operations?

Quick math for context:

• Top 10 City Hall earners: ~$200–$300k+ per year 💸
• If they took a welfare-level pay cut (~$2,000/month), hundreds of ordinary jobs could be saved 🙌
• Instead, Vancouverites get mass arrests, SRO evictions, burned-out shelters, and a safe city for the elite 🏰

Simpsons-style twist: Homer City Worker stares at a pink slip while a Mr. Burns-style executive sips champagne 🥂 in their corner office, muttering:

“Excellent… the city’s fiscal health is intact, while chaos reigns below!” 😎

Stay tuned for Episode 2: “The Espresso Council” ☕, where we explore how City Hall’s elite sip lattes while Task Force Barrage rages through the streets and Parks Board gets quietly dismantled.

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⚠️ Disclaimer: This post is purely satirical 🃏. Any resemblance to real people, events, or government policies is intended for humor and social commentary. We do not endorse or encourage harm to anyone, and this is meant to highlight absurdities in a humorous way.