the phone that wouldn't open: what should we have done before?

Imagine this.

Your mother, father, brother or sister has dementia.

You've been trying to help.

You've organized the paperwork.

You've tried to make sure the bills are paid.

You've talked about the will.

You've helped with appointments and finances.

You've done everything you can think of to prepare for the future.

Then your loved one passes away.

And suddenly there is one little problem you didn't know how to solve.

The phone.

They used Face ID.

You know the phone is full of information that may be important.

There could be emails about bills.

Messages from family.

Photographs.

Appointments.

Contacts.

Account information.

Two-factor authentication codes.

Perhaps even information you need in order to deal with the estate.

But you don't know the passcode.

And Face ID isn't something you can simply inherit.

Now you're trying to navigate Apple's security and account-recovery procedures while also dealing with grief and everything else that comes with settling someone's affairs.

So what should have been done before?

1. talk about the phone while your loved one can still make decisions

This conversation may feel uncomfortable.

Have it anyway.

Ask what they would want to happen to their digital information and who they trust to help.

2. find out the passcode

Don't assume Face ID is enough.

The passcode should be recorded somewhere secure that the appropriate person can locate when it is legitimately needed.

3. set up Apple's Legacy Contact

Apple allows people to designate a Legacy Contact who can request access to certain account information after they pass away.

This should be considered while the person can still make the necessary decisions and complete the setup.

4. make a digital inventory

Write down what exists.

Email.

Banking.

Utilities.

Insurance.

Subscriptions.

Social media.

Cloud storage.

Websites.

Photographs.

Anything else that someone may eventually need to deal with.

The inventory doesn't necessarily have to contain every password.

It needs to tell the right person what exists and where to start.

5. think about two-factor authentication

This one is easy to overlook.

If a security code is sent to the person's phone, what happens when that phone is no longer available?

Make sure the family understands the legitimate recovery options for important accounts.

6. back up the photographs

Don't assume the phone is the only copy.

Important photographs and videos should exist somewhere else that the family can legitimately access.

7. make instructions for email

Email may contain years of correspondence, but it can also be where bills, receipts, appointments and account notices arrive.

Decide what should happen to the account and make sure the appropriate person knows what it is.

8. make a list of automatic payments

Phone.

Internet.

Streaming.

Storage.

Memberships.

Utilities.

Other subscriptions.

Someone will eventually need to know what is being charged and what needs to be handled.

9. coordinate this with the legal estate plan

Digital access and legal authority aren't necessarily the same thing.

A family member may be trusted by everyone and still need the proper legal authority and documentation to deal with particular accounts.

The executor should know where the digital instructions are kept.

10. don't wait until there is a crisis

This may be the most important one.

If dementia is involved, don't assume there will always be another opportunity to ask.

Do it while your loved one can participate.

Write it down.

Set up the appropriate legacy and recovery tools.

Back things up.

Tell the trusted person where the information is.

Because someday, the family may be sitting there with the phone in their hand, knowing how important the information inside it could be — and discovering that Face ID was designed to protect a person while they were alive, not to hand their digital life to the people they leave behind.

We were so excited to give our parents smartphones.

We wanted them to be connected.

Independent.

Safe.

But perhaps teaching someone how to use a smartphone isn't the whole lesson anymore.

Maybe we also need to teach families how to prepare for the day that smartphone can no longer be unlocked by its owner.

And that is a conversation worth having while we still can.