Part 2: Scars from the Start

Part 2: Scars from the Start

What Our Kids See and Survive — and What We Still Don’t Understand

We talk about violence like it begins in adulthood—with a broken relationship or a “bad choice.” But the truth is, for many people, violence starts in childhood.

Too many of our children are raised in homes full of yelling, fear, threats, addictions, and pain. Some are hit. Some are manipulated. Some grow up watching their parents hurt each other. Some learn early: you have to survive by staying quiet, staying small—or fighting back.

🚸 Trauma Is Not Just What Happens to You. It’s What Happens Inside You.

Kids exposed to violence often carry what looks like “bad behaviour” or “emotional problems.” But underneath is trauma. Rage. Shame. Deep grief. And it goes unnoticed or unhealed.

• They may stop trusting adults
• They may struggle to focus in school
• They may lash out, or go numb
• They may start cutting, lying, stealing, running away

And what do we do? We punish them. Label them. Tell them to calm down. We call it “a phase.” But it’s a warning.

🔁 Hurt Kids Become Hurt Adults

Without healing, these kids grow into teens who don’t believe they matter. Who think abuse is normal. Who chase validation in dangerous places. Who turn to gangs, drugs, or toxic relationships to feel powerful or loved. Or they just check out entirely.

Some become abusers. Others become victims. Some are both.

We don’t just inherit eye color from our parents—we inherit coping mechanisms, survival patterns, and emotional wounds.

🚨 Our Systems Are Failing Them

Schools are overstretched. Social workers are underfunded. Counseling waitlists are months long. Doctors don’t ask the right questions. Police escalate situations. And we don’t talk about intergenerational trauma, especially in Indigenous, racialized, and disabled families.

Meanwhile, our kids are screaming with their behaviour. And no one hears them.

❤️‍🩹 What Kids Need to Heal

It’s not complicated. Kids need:

• Safety and stability
• To be believed when they say something is wrong
• Mental health care that doesn’t blame them
• Community mentors who show a different way
• Space to express their truth without fear

But they can’t do it alone. We have to show up for them—not when it’s too late, but when the first cracks show. Even when they push us away. Even when they don’t know how to ask.

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📣 What’s Next

In Part 3, I’ll talk about the digital world that’s raising our kids now—and how screens are teaching them to hurt, be numb, or hide.

This is not about bad kids or bad parents. It’s about a society that expects children to survive war zones without giving them peace.

Let’s stop ignoring the early wounds—and start healing what’s hurting.

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✍️ With compassion, courage, and truth,
Tina Winterlik aka Zipolita
🌐 zipolita.com | Facebook | Twitter