Episode 2: “The Espresso Council” ☕

 Episode 2: “The Espresso Council” ☕

Welcome back to Vancouver Hall of Absurdities, where your tax dollars 💵 fund golden lattes, cushy chairs, and Task Force Barrage 👮‍♂️ — the city’s answer to solving problems by making them disappear… one DTES resident at a time.

Inside the Espresso Council, top earners lounge in their corner offices sipping single-origin, oat-milk lattes 🥛☕ while thinking deep thoughts about:

• How to cut Parks Board programs 🌳💔
• Sweeping the DTES with Task Force Barrage 👮‍♀️
• Firing SRO tenants and letting shelters overflow 🏚️🔥

Homer City Worker scratches his head at the pink slip in his hand:

“D’oh! So they cut my job, but not the million-dollar espresso budget?”

Meanwhile, Lisa-style logic kicks in:

“If the top 10 City Hall earners took a welfare-level pay cut (~$2,000/month), hundreds of jobs could be saved, parks could stay open, and maybe even fires could be prevented before shelters overflowed.” 🙌

Bart-style chaos: graffiti appears on the council walls:
“Task Force Barrage = Springfield Circus” 🎪
“Parks Board Lives Matter” 🌳💚

Simpsons-style irony: the city’s most “responsible” leaders are literally making life harder for everyone else while enjoying espresso-fueled meetings ☕💼.

Stay tuned for Episode 3: “Mayor Ken’s Magical Security Squad” 🪄, where we dive into how Task Force Barrage became the city’s “hero” and why spending on security now rivals entire community programs.

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⚠️ Disclaimer:

This post is purely satirical 🃏. Any resemblance to real people, events, or government policies is intended for humor and social commentary. We do not endorse or encourage harm to anyone, and this is meant to highlight absurdities in a humorous way.