When Housing Policy Traps People in Abusive Relationships 🏠💔
I recently saw a question posted in a DTES Facebook group that stopped me cold.
Someone living in BC Housing, on disability, paying under $500 a month, asked what would happen if they got married and their spouse moved in.
The responses were almost unanimous:
“Don’t do it.”
“Everything gets f*cked up.”
“You’ll lose your housing.” 😔
That reaction isn’t cynicism.
It’s experience.
The part no one wants to say out loud 🤐
Policies that tie housing to household income don’t just affect rent calculations.
They shape people’s most intimate life decisions.
They:
- Discourage people from forming families 👨👩👧
- Punish people for partnership 💍
- And most dangerously — trap people in abusive relationships 🚨
If your housing depends on:
- who you live with
- how much they earn
- whether you are “single” on paper 📄
Then leaving a partner — even an abusive one — can mean:
- losing affordable housing 🏚️
- going back on waitlists that are years long ⏳
- risking shelters, couch-surfing, or homelessness 🧳
That is not a “personal choice.”
That is structural coercion.
Violence or homelessness is not a choice ⚠️
Middle-class people are often told:
“If it’s abusive, just leave.”
But if you are disabled, poor, or living in subsidized housing, leaving can trigger:
- loss of rent-geared-to-income housing
- benefit reassessments
- bureaucratic delays that don’t care about safety 🧾
So people stay. Not because they want to. But because the system makes survival conditional on endurance 😞
This reality hits hardest for:
- women
- disabled people ♿
- queer and trans folks 🏳️🌈
- people without family backup
- people already marginalized by poverty
This is economic abuse reinforced by policy.
This should not be normal ❌
Housing is supposed to provide safety 🛑
Disability supports are supposed to support dignity ✊
When policies instead:
- keep people single
- keep people silent
- keep people afraid to report harm 😶
Something is deeply wrong.
A New Year, a New Series 🎉✍️
In the New Year, I will be writing a 10-part blog series examining how housing and social assistance policies in BC affect real lives — not on paper, but in practice.
Topics will include:
- Housing and intimate relationships
- Disability and forced dependency
- Why people stay in unsafe situations
- The gap between “policy intent” and lived reality
- What dignity would actually look like 🌱
I’m looking for people willing to share their stories 🗣️
If you:
- have lived in BC Housing
- have been on disability or income assistance
- have stayed in a relationship because leaving felt impossible
- or have been punished for honesty about your household
Your story matters.
You can:
- share anonymously 🕊️
- share as much or as little as you want
- simply describe what the policy did to your choices
You can message me privately or comment with
“I want to share”
and I will reach out.
We are not broken.
The system is. 🧱
And the first step to changing it is telling the truth.
Reflective Questions 🤔✨
- Have you ever stayed in a relationship because leaving felt financially impossible?
- How do housing and income rules influence who you can live with — or love?
- Should access to safe housing depend on marital or household status?
- Who benefits from policies that discourage partnership among low-income people?
- What would a housing system designed around safety and dignity actually look like?
- If these policies existed for middle-class households, would they be tolerated?
- What stories are missing from policy discussions about “housing stability”?
- How does fear of losing housing affect people’s willingness to report abuse?
- What supports would make it possible — not just theoretical — to leave harm?
- What does dignity mean to you, and where does housing fit into that? 🏠❤️
No comments:
Post a Comment