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So something I have never really talked about on my blog is bodyweight. I have struggled ....oh my God how I have struggled....but mostly in the past...I am happy with my body image for the most part now...but it took years.
The first time I thought I was fat was when I was about 12 maybe and I had a little tiny tummy bulge and a friend of my brother's called it a spare tire..until then it never occurred to me. That started it..I had this friend in school whose mom had a yoga tv show and this girl did fasting and they suggested try it. Insanity. It started me on this terrible rollercoaster of not eating for a day or two and then of course as soon as you cave I would bing.
My weight fluctuated most of my teens between 5-20 lbs over what is considered "normal" by those stupid charts...
I remember I had all these stupid diaries...they were diet diaries,,...every page was crossed out..tomorrow I will start again...
In my 20's I went on this liquid, chocolate bar diet, you know those dum meal replacement things...oh I lost weight alright, I went down to like 105 and I was so happy, but then something happened, I had to quit my job due to tendonitis and I was depressed and I also quit smoking(a very nasty habit that I am so glad I beat) and I gained....I was 150lbs. It's hard to believe looking back.
I remember how critical all my friends from back then were of people who were not as slim as they thought they should be. I remember one saying "I would kill myself if I got that fat!!" What a terrible sad thought...
Needless to say I had to get away from all that and I moved to the Kootenays and started college as a mature student. I met someone and he didn't mine my love handles and with routine of school and being loved for who I was, I did slim down again.
When I came back to the coast and went to school here well living on student budget and packing heavy photography equipment everywhere I got pretty slim again.
And I felt good for a long time about my weight. I didn't diet anymore I just tried to eat healthy. When I got pregnant at 40 with my little cherub I gained about 45 lbs but it was all good...after I had her it took a few years but it all came off.
It was when my mom passed away (we'd moved back to the Kootenays) that I got really really thin, every day I would shovel snow to get rid of the stress of my mom being sick and then when I was in mourning after she passed. I was like a 100lbs.
One day, I think it was Angel's birthday I looked in the mirror ...at my neck and YUCK!! I thought, my God I look awful...my boobs were all saggy and seriously FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE...I thought I am too thin.
When my mom was alive mom would always tease and call me "Ana" short for Anorexia...she was trying to make me recognized in the nicest, gentlest way to cut it out and eat more.
Anyways, that was a turning point. I like to have a little meat on me...and if I gain a bit, hey I know it's okay I can walk it off. I never count calories or anything...I just try to eat healthy and walk a lot.
Sometimes things have been tough and I wouldn't eat so well, so that my kid could but hopefully that won't happen any more.
Do I have a tummy, yes, but I don't care anymore. I am so glad to be free of all that ugly stress. It worries me to see so many girls and women still struggling with this...
I am so glad people are talking about it, I've spoken with my daughter about it and I think she understands it all. She is just in her tweens and I've shown her many videos on the topic, just as I will show her this one.
I'm not sure where we are in this battle with the media and our culture it is all still really warped out. How can we teach people to love themselves. With education and talking about it, with videos, and apps about medititation...
It's going to take a lot of work...we have a long long way to go but it's great to see videos like this. Thanks for sharing your stories, thanks for the poem Natalie, thanks Soulpancake....keep up the good work.
Now Repeat After Me. I LOVE MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM!! I AM BEAUTIFUL!!
Because your really are. We all are!!...
I tried to find some old photos to show you but there's nothing on this computer...so they must be in storage
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| Tina Winterlik © high school |
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| Tina Winterlik © college |
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| recent |
Published on YouTube Jan 15, 2014
SoulPancake partnered with Darling
Magazine to have a series of conversations about some of the issues that
women face on a daily basis. Our first one is a glimpse into beauty and
body image. When do you feel the most beautiful?
To continue the conversation visit http://darlingmagazine.org
and for daily inspiration @darlingmagazine on Instagram
Special Thanks To
West Elm
Dominique Generaux
More from Natalie Patterson:
http://www.natalieispoetry.com/
Follow us on FACEBOOK: http://facebook.com/soulpancake
TWEET us at: http://twitter.com/soulpancake
Visit our WEBSITE: http://soulpancake.com
Buy our BOOK! http://book.soulpancake.com
To continue the conversation visit http://darlingmagazine.org
and for daily inspiration @darlingmagazine on Instagram
Special Thanks To
West Elm
Dominique Generaux
More from Natalie Patterson:
http://www.natalieispoetry.com/
Follow us on FACEBOOK: http://facebook.com/soulpancake
TWEET us at: http://twitter.com/soulpancake
Visit our WEBSITE: http://soulpancake.com
Buy our BOOK! http://book.soulpancake.com
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