Episode 3: “Mayor Ken’s Magical Security Squad” 🪄
Step right up to Vancouver Hall of Absurdities, where the city’s most magical act isn’t saving parks, fighting fires, or keeping shelters open — it’s Task Force Barrage, the legendary squad that turns humans into statistics faster than Homer can say “D’oh!” 👮♂️💨
Mayor Ken Sim waves his golden pen ✨ and proudly declares:
“We’re keeping Vancouver safe!”
Safe? Only if you count:
- 1,100 DTES arrests in six months 🚓
- SRO evictions, leaving residents out in the cold 🏚️
- Fires raging in low-income housing 🔥
- Shelters overflowing 😢
Meanwhile, the Parks Board quietly disappears 🌳💔. Benches, swings, gardens — poof! Efficiency at its finest.
Homer City Worker groans:
“D’oh! They spent millions on Task Force Barrage, but I lose my job?!”
Lisa-style logic reminds us:
“If the top 10 earners took a welfare-level pay cut (~$2,000/month), hundreds of jobs could be saved, parks could stay open, and maybe fires could be prevented before shelters overflow.” 🙌
Bart-esque chaos ensues: graffiti pops up all over City Hall walls:
“Task Force Barrage = Springfield Circus” 🎪
“Parks Board Lives Matter” 🌳💚
Springfield-style irony: the city’s “heroes” are literally paid to make the city less livable, while ordinary workers scramble to survive 💼🏚️🔥
Stay tuned for Episode 4: “Welfare for the Wealthy” 💸, where the absurdity peaks: what happens if the elite actually lived like the people they govern? Spoiler: chaos… but maybe fair chaos.
⚠️ Disclaimer:
This post is purely satirical 🃏. Any resemblance to real people, events, or government policies is intended for humor and social commentary. We do not endorse or encourage harm to anyone, and this is meant to highlight absurdities in a humorous way.
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