Tina Winterlik: grief

Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

Monday, October 27, 2025

When Policy Meets Grief: Good Intentions, Missed Marks

💡 When Policy Meets Grief: Good Intentions, Missed Marks

Before we begin, this post is part three in our series on grief and its hidden toll on our bodies and lives. If you haven’t already, check out:
1️⃣ Why Do We Treat Grief Like an Inconvenience? 💔
2️⃣ When Grief Turns Into Illness: The Hidden Wound We Don’t Treat 🩹

Recently, David Eby announced a new proposal in British Columbia: up to 27 weeks of job-protected leave for workers with catastrophic illnesses or injuries. 🏥💼

This is a positive step—no one should lose their livelihood while fighting a life-altering physical disease. Truly, it’s a lifeline for many.

But here’s the catch:
💭 Grief is a catastrophic condition too.
💭 Emotional devastation can trigger illness, addiction, and even death.
💭 Yet there is no equivalent leave for someone reeling from loss.

Think about it: we have lost over 18,000 people to fentanyl in B.C. alone. Each of those lives belonged to someone. Two parents, siblings, children, friends, partners—all left behind. 💔 Every one of us walking around carrying invisible wounds.

We are a society of walking wounded. And yet, policies for grief barely exist. We honor physical illness with legislation, but the emotional devastation of loss is mostly invisible to lawmakers.

David Eby’s proposal is well-intentioned, and it will save lives in one sense—but it misses a huge part of human reality: the human cost of grief, mourning, and emotional devastation.

Grief is not a luxury.
Grief is a body-altering, life-changing experience.
It deserves space, recognition, and protection, just like any other catastrophic condition. 🫀🕊️

Imagine a world where policy reflects that truth:
📌 Leave for catastrophic illness and grief
📌 Community support systems for mourning
📌 Rituals and symbols that honor loss

A society that treats grief as “optional” is a society that punishes the human heart.
When will this be addressed for the thousands of families broken by loss?

💡 Call to Reflection:
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief that feels like it’s taking over your life, please reach out to loved ones, community supports, or professional help. Grief may be invisible to policy, but it is real, and it deserves to be witnessed.

When Grief Turns Into Illness: The Hidden Wound We Don’t Treat

🩹 When Grief Turns Into Illness: The Hidden Wound We Don’t Treat

Before you dive in, this post is a follow-up to my previous piece,
“Why Do We Treat Grief Like an Inconvenience?” 💔
If you haven’t read it yet, I invite you to take a look first so the full picture comes together.

Here’s the truly bizarre thing about how our society treats grief:

🧩 Often, it’s the grief that causes the illness in the first place.

We treat grief like a temporary emotion when it is actually a full-body event. When someone we love disappears from the world, our nervous system doesn’t just feel sad. It goes into catastrophe mode.

Cortisol turns the bloodstream into a toxic river.
Sleep shatters.
The immune system surrenders.
The heart feels like it’s been physically torn. 💥

And then society asks:
“Why are you still struggling?”

As if the body didn’t just witness a personal apocalypse. 🌑

People often see the after-effects instead of the root:

📌 Addiction
📌 Depression
📌 Chronic illnesses
📌 Autoimmune disorders
📌 Anxiety
📌 Heart problems
📌 PTSD

We are quick to label these as new problems, when so often they are grief wearing a mask.

Ignored grief becomes illness.
Silenced pain becomes coping mechanisms.
Numbness becomes survival, which becomes dependence.
And then the world judges the symptom instead of tending the wound.

Grief is not just emotional.
It is cellular.
It is chemical.
It is physical.

The body remembers every love it has lost. 🫀

We are brilliant at pretending we’re fine.
We are terrible at being allowed to not be fine.

If we don’t give grief time
If we don’t give grief community
If we don’t give grief space to move through us
It settles into the body instead.

And then we call the consequences a “disease”
When truly
They are unhonored love.

We don’t get sick because we’re weak.
We get sick because we’re human
And because no one taught us how to grieve out loud anymore.

I dream of a society where grief is treated as a natural, sacred process, not an inconvenience. Where support is long enough and deep enough to prevent heartbreak from becoming lifelong health struggles.

A world where the question isn’t
“Why aren’t you over it?”
but rather
“How can we walk beside you while you hurt?” 🤝🕊️

➡️ If you haven’t already, please read the previous post for the first part of this message:
“Why Do We Treat Grief Like an Inconvenience?”
Together, these two pieces tell a story our society urgently needs to hear.

Why Do We Treat Grief Like an Inconvenience?

💔 Why Do We Treat Grief Like an Inconvenience?

Grief is the invisible backpack every one of us eventually has to carry. Yet somehow, our society treats it like a purse you should tuck neatly under your chair and get back to work by Monday morning. 🤯 It’s wild when you really think about it.

We offer weeks of support if someone is physically ill, and thank goodness for that. But for grief, the emotional hurricane 🌪️ that tears through the heart and changes everything, we get… three days? Maybe five if someone important enough dies.

What a cruel calculation.
What a frightening misunderstanding of what it means to be human. 🫀

In olden days, mourning was seen and acknowledged. People wore black 🖤 or tied armbands around their sleeves. The world had to notice.

Even Scarlett O’Hara hated those symbols, but they served a purpose:

They told the community:
“Someone they loved has vanished from the world.
Treat this person gently.” 🤲

Today, we sprint back into routines, slap on the “I’m fine!” mask 😐, and hope nobody hears the crack in our voice. Loss becomes a private battle instead of a shared human experience.

Companies hand out bereavement leave like they’re rationing emotional oxygen.

📌 Lose a parent? 3 days
📌 Lose a partner? Maybe 5
📌 Lose the piece of your heart that shaped your life?
➡️ Better get back to your emails

It’s absurd. It’s cruel.
It denies our most basic human truth:

Grief is a catastrophic illness of the soul. 💥🖤

It alters the brain.
It weakens the body.
It changes every waking moment.

And instead of support, we are asked to pretend everything is normal.

We cannot call ourselves a “civilized society” if we refuse to honor grief.

Empathy is our greatest human technology. 🤝
Without it, our survival as a species? Not guaranteed.

Because a world that ignores suffering… forgets how to care.

Maybe the world we need is one where grief is visible again. Not to wallow in sadness, but to say:

“This person is grieving.
Make space for their healing.” 🌱

Imagine if someone could wear a small symbol after a loss:
a pin 🎗️, a bracelet 📿, a ribbon 🪢.

Not a mark of pity
But a reminder to treat them with patience and gentleness.

A quiet message:

“Please walk beside me while I hurt.” 💞

This isn’t just nostalgia.
This is a blueprint for a kinder future.

A world where grief isn’t rushed.
Where love is honored even in its most painful form.

We can build that world
One compassionate choice at a time. 🕊️✨

Thursday, June 5, 2025

When the System Fails ADHD Youth

“Another Preventable Death: When the System Fails ADHD Youth”

James Beik-Fowler had ADHD. He also had a mother who never gave up on him. For over a decade, Heather Fowler pleaded with health professionals, police, and social services for support. She knew her son was in danger. And still, the system let him fall — again and again — until he disappeared, only to be found dead over a year later in an abandoned North Vancouver pub.

His story is not unique. It is just one of many, hidden behind acronyms and diagnoses: ADHD, PTSD, OD, MIA. But what these letters really spell out is abandonment.

How Did We Get Here?

ADHD, especially when undiagnosed or untreated properly, can leave individuals vulnerable to addiction, impulsivity, and unstable relationships.
Parents, even when they fight tirelessly, are often blocked by privacy laws and professionals who don’t witness what happens at home or on the street.
Doctors and psychiatrists can prescribe powerful medications, sometimes in cocktails that would terrify most parents — yet are rarely around to see the daily side effects, emotional crashes, or long-term impacts.
And when a youth starts to spiral — there are few safe places to catch them. Mental health beds are scarce. Supervised consumption sites are non-existent in many communities. Shelters are full.

Why Was He Alone?

Heather said James was involuntarily hospitalized multiple times. But then released — again and again. That’s the cycle in B.C. and across Canada: short stays, brief stabilization, and then discharge back into the same unstable conditions. This is not care. It’s a revolving door.

The question we all need to ask is: How many drugs was he given before he became homeless? How many side effects went ignored? How many housing forms, support referrals, or mental health petitions were denied? How many signs did we all miss?

Time for Accountability

We need:

A reform of the Mental Health Act to allow families more say, especially in long-term planning.
Proper wraparound services for people with ADHD and co-occurring conditions.
Supervised consumption sites and housing-first programs in every community.
Medical accountability for drug interactions, diagnoses, and decisions that lead to homelessness and overdose.

Heather Fowler did everything she could. Her son is gone. But her voice — and James’ story — must spark change.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Paul McCartney

Paul I have been listening to your music my whole life. You see my older sister (by 12 years) and she loved THE BEATLES!

She saw you play here in Vancouver ....many years ago when you first came....let's see I think this was it...

http://www.beatlesinterviews.org/db1964.0822.beatles.html

Beatles Interview Vancouver
http://www.beatlesinterviews.org/db1964.0822.beatles.html

On August 22, 1964, the Beatles arrived in Vancouver to perform their first-ever Canadian concert at Empire Stadium. They almost didn’t make it. According to a press conference given upon their arrival, the Fab Four’s pilot nearly cost them the gig thanks to some paperwork. Paul McCartney explained “there was one little thing” missing on the pilot’s documents, and John Lennon added: “We got [to Vancouver] and… had to go back.”

http://www.vancitybuzz.com/2014/08/beatles-in-vancouver-august-22-1964/

Anyways, Paul, I was 2 when you came to Vancouver and I don't remember much but I know when I was a little older, my sister and her friend, (I think his name may have been Paul,) took me and my little sister and brother to see the movie HELP! and it was at a Drive In Theatre and we were all piled into a little VW bug!! That was out in Surrey, probably the Surrey Drive In??

HOW COOL IS A MEMORY LIKE THAT!!

And it was probably this movie and Ringo with that big ring stuck on his finger- that I, as a little 5 year old felt sorry for him, and got a big crush on him and he was always my favourite but I did like you all and I loved your music.

I would have watched you on the Ed Sullivan show and probably saw this there.

"I want to hold your hand" was always one of my favourite songs but it's very hard to chose from so MANY great songs. These songs really shaped my life in so many ways.

This song, this song has power, power to calm upset people, power to change energy, it's just beautiful, I'ts sad you can only find this little clip online because it should be shared far and wide. I love this song!!

Now this song, this song...whenever I am unhappy or felt the injustices of the world I turn to this song. Remember I grew up in the 70's so as a little girl living in a rural area in BC with only one TV station- the CBC- I watched the Vietnam war on TV, and I saw the protests, hippies / draft dodgers came to work at my parents business and well I was exposed to lots of music but I always loved the Beatles.

And whenever life was dumping all over me over the years and I needed something to come through for me, I would play this and smile and feel that in my heart "everything would be okay!!"

When I was about 14, I remember hearing on the radio, that you were coming (I thought it was ) to Vancouver- (I think now it was Seattle )

You were Paul McCartney and Wings then and it was the Band on the Run Tour. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_McCartney_and_Wings

I remember racing down the hallway in our home and banging on my brothers door to tell him you were coming...but he wasn't as excited. And I found that sad because I was hoping to go....

Anyways I as I got older I went to many concerts, from about age 15 to 18, I saw some great ones. I used to use all my allowance to buy the tix and bus tix from Abbotsford to Vancouver ..there was never much left for a t-shirt or program....but I saw Fleetwood Mac, Alice Cooper, Supertramp, Bob Seger....lots of great shows, and I have great stories about each.

I remember in the old days...ticket prices were normal. Like for example...when ticket prices went from $11.00 a concert to $18, I said they were too high and I wouldn't go anymore. And I didn't. I couldn't afford it...and maybe I was starting to grow up and all those super big crowds and super loud music was getting a little old and we could buy tapes!! Ha! Ha! I had lots of cassettes...still do in a box in storage.

Back then going to a concert was dangerous. Seriously it was festival seating. I remember one time before Fleetwood Mac or maybe it was Alice Cooper, we were all crammed at the doors of the Pacific Coliseum waiting to get in. I was there with a girlfriend and we were freaking out because there was a girl behind us who had drank to much and kept mentioning she might puke.

But when you are in a crowd that tight, you can't move.

Finally ...because I knew the routine by now...there was a tinkle of glass- someone broke it..and then some guy on the inside ran along all the doors, banging them as they opened and people POURED through.

My friend makes it through but as I go, two guys are trying at the same time. I am little and I am literally being SQUISHED!! and it was scary...what was scarier is this big bouncer guy starts punching at these guy's arms/shoulders to make them go back while he's pulling me through!!

Finally I made it! and then they searched us, like everyone and off we went to try and find a seat...because seats were NOT assigned. That was festival seating. Glad they stopped that and you can all be blessed but still scalpers are an issue, they always have been and it's sad to see all the people getting ripped off.

Anyways, I haven't been to a concert in a very very long time. I just don't have the money and well there's no one I really want to see that badly...

BUT my friend, who is the same age as my older sister mentioned he would REALLY LIKE TO GO! and you know what he's retiring...he was supposed to retire last year but you know this crazy world, people have to keep working....there's no gold watch...

So I was teasing I need to throw him a retirement party. I think it would be fabulous to take him to your concert Paul.

Any that's why I thought I would write this DEAR PAUL letter and see if maybe you can swing two (or maybe 3 -one for my kid) tickets for us here when you come to Vancouver in April.

Getting older in this world is a strange thing...people are into such different things and money rules, I guess it always has, but things are so warped out. I saw how they wouldn't let you in that club.

HOW RUDE!! http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/feb/17/paul-mccartney-club-beatle-grammys

Well Paul, what ever happens, you are great! You music is great! I wish you have a wonderful concert and THANK YOU for all your BEAUTIFUL music!!

My life would have been so much different without it! I think that is one of the most wonderful things about music, is the power it has, and it's subtly, people don't know it's even affecting them many times.

YOU ROCK PAUL! You and Ringo, what incredible lives you have had. And poor George & John, they were so amazing and it must have been very hard when they passed. And losing Linda, you have suffered some terrible grief I am sure.

Grief is a terrible thing to deal with, I know too well, but music helps. It's helped me a lot. I have lost both my parents and many loved ones over the years and this song has helped me so much!!

Thank YOU!! Thank you Paul! Enjoy Vancouver!! If you drive through Kitsilano, come by and pick me up and I'll give you a tour. Ha! Ha!! Cheers, Tina

On a little side note, I made this little animation proto-type a few years back...it's based on a vision I had and if you watch it at the end I mention missing the music. Somehow I feel this old grandma is me- 108 years and we've changed the world...but it's music like yours I'll be missing!!

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Will YOU STAND BY ME?

When was the last time you listened to these words. POWERFUL!! What did Songwriters Ben King, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller know that they tried to share in this precious song.

At this cRaZy tImE of Climate Change, Elections, Treaty Rights, Empty Houses/Apt, House Flipping Scandals, Refugees, GMO, Grow YOUR OWN FOOD, Lelu Island, LNG, Tarsands, Solar Panels, Green walls, Cellphones, Bored yet Enlightened YOUTH, hunger, Glutony, poverty, Me Generation, The Changerz, The Scarecrow, Message of Hope, Meditation, blah, blah, blah..just listen!
Close your eyes, relax and enjoy!

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

Oh darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand now by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me

This song means so much to so many people and for different reason.
Did you ever see this movie.

Stand by Me is a 1986 American coming of age comedy-drama adventure film
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stand_by_Me_%28film%29

"Stand by Me" is a song
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stand_by_Me_%28song%29

16 Nostalgic Facts About 'Stand by Me'
http://mentalfloss.com/article/67025/16-nostalgic-facts-about-stand-me

TOGETHER we WILL change the world! http://tinawinterlik.blogspot.ca/2016/03/grassroots-rock-candy-revolution.html

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Hockey Stick helps Grieving Child

Blog post by Tina Winterlik © 2011

http://tinawinterlik.blogspot.com

Just came across this. So happy that the community is reaching out and helping Evan. We are sending lots of love and prayers to help everyone, especially Evan thru these really hard times.