The Burden of Choice: A Reflection on Women's Rights, Autonomy, and the Lingering Shadow of Patriarchy
As a woman who consciously chose not to marry and decided to have a child by choice, I have come to realize just how deeply entrenched societal expectations still are. The consequences of these choices, which were meant to be empowering, are now slapping me in the face daily. Raised in a time that seemed like women’s rights were advancing, I never imagined that by the time my child was born in 2002, I would still face the kind of judgment and ignorance I do today.
What’s perhaps the most shocking—and painful—is that even people close to me, including family, still reference the old societal logic: women who didn’t marry or got pregnant outside of marriage were once “imprisoned” or ostracized. As if this logic, once seen as acceptable, should be acceptable today.
This deeply ingrained belief system comes from centuries of patriarchy, colonialism, and religious dogma. It’s a reflection of the ways women have historically been viewed as property, as vessels for procreation, and as creatures who must be “tamed” through marriage. The French colonial story of the Filles du Roi (Daughters of the King) is just one example of how women’s bodies were used to further colonial agendas, where women were sent to New France, often from orphanages or prisons, to marry settlers and build the colony. Their autonomy was disregarded, their choices limited, and their worth was measured by their ability to fulfill the role of wife and mother.
Even today, women who make autonomous decisions—who do not conform to the marriage-and-motherhood narrative—are often treated as "other." We’re seen as defying an unspoken, yet rigid, social contract that binds women to particular roles. I never dreamed that in the 21st century, the same stigmas would continue to follow me, or that people would still use bizarre and antiquated terms to describe women who choose differently. The judgment I face is a reminder of how deeply patriarchal values persist in society, even in the most progressive circles.
The Catholic and other religious teachings that were so deeply ingrained in the culture I was raised in continue to seep into modern discourse. While we like to think that progress has been made for women’s rights, the echoes of these outdated ideologies still haunt us. It’s as though society is struggling to reconcile the progress women have made in asserting their autonomy with the long-standing belief that women should be subservient to patriarchal norms. The irony is that these outdated norms aren’t just held by conservative individuals but are also perpetuated by well-meaning people who, even without fully realizing it, perpetuate these old views.
It’s heartbreaking that the choices I made—choices that were meant to empower me, to take control of my life—are the very reasons why I continue to face such judgment. The system is designed to punish women who refuse to conform, whether it’s the judgment I face from family members, society’s marginalization of women who aren’t married, or the constant undertones of disdain aimed at single mothers. These attitudes can feel suffocating, and the subtle (and not-so-subtle) comments can leave you questioning whether your personal autonomy was worth the cost.
But here’s the thing: it was worth it. The love I have for my child, the freedom I’ve fought for, the independence I’ve worked hard to maintain—these things matter. My choices were my own, and while I face consequences that can sometimes feel unjust, I would not trade the authenticity and empowerment that came with those choices for anything.
However, we need to talk about this more. We need to acknowledge that patriarchy’s grip on us, even in the 21st century, is still very much alive. We need to challenge the narrative that women’s worth is tied to their relationship status or whether they’ve conformed to the traditional mold of marriage and motherhood. We need to question the harmful ways that society still punishes women for choosing autonomy, and how these antiquated beliefs are still upheld in subtle ways.
We can do better. It’s time to push for true equality, not just in terms of legal rights but in dismantling the social structures that continue to silence, judge, and control women. We need to honor women’s choices, whether they choose to marry, have children, or not, and recognize that each of these decisions is part of their personal journey.
I’m here to say that I’m done accepting judgment. I’m done conforming to norms that no longer serve me, and I hope other women can find the courage to do the same. It’s time to embrace the full spectrum of choices that women can make without fear of judgment or punishment.
